Every new day, I cease to control my mind and get lost in the fabricated realities it creates. Life seems to be a task, spiraling out of our control with the tick of the clock. Unknowingly we’ve built these walls out of the expectations the world has, and let ourselves believe these walls are what matter, not realizing that these walls are just barriers to our better judgement. Soon we find ourselves struggling to scratch our way out, out of the pain and sometimes out of life as a whole.

Anxiety is not just about acceptance, it is a bottomless pit we don’t see ourselves falling into. With every question we ask ourself about who we are, or who we should be, we fall, a little harder, a little deeper.
It isn’t like a snide comment, a word to be used and thrown easily, the depth to it is not as simple as our mind perceives it to be. The effect and damage it has goes beyond our minds and runs deep in our veins, only for us to never feel safe, even alone.
If even the people who choose to love us see a crack in who we are, it takes only a split second for us to wonder if we were ever good enough in the first place.
For every step of the way, it gets harder. It’s almost as if every moment of happiness we create is swallowed by the judgement of the world and our conscious.
In overthinking we lose ourselves and push away the people who stand by us only so we feel secure about having make-believe expectations met.
Creating situations that never existed as a blanket to protect ourselves from the cold judgement of others, or so we fool ourselves into thinking so are a prime example of what it is like to be anxious.
We forget to look at the parts of ourselves that are beautiful and instead just concentrate on the scars which in the right eyes are nothing short of perfect, the part of our lives that helped us become who we are, not what held us back.
We fall sick of who we are before we even start appreciating ourselves, so we shield ourselves from others just to avoid the criticism we would’ve never received, we cage ourselves in the darkness of our mind with the key to set us free.
We get so comfortable in the dark we think it’s home, the feeling of comfort and security is feeling your own breath on your skin.
When we get thrown a lifeline, we think a thousand times if we would ever be vulnerable and instead, risk a chance to get out of this labyrinth before we can even reach out.
Every person just seems to be happier but the toxicity of the masks they’ve put on to show strength when they’re hurting fails to reach us, so we put on a mask of our own instead of screaming for the help we need.
While trying to achieve even the littlest things we find reasons to hold ourselves back, the non existent scenario of failing becomes sensible, we lose touch with reality only to avoid what would’ve never been.
It’s this storm we push ourselves into, we find peace at the eye of it and fool ourselves into believing this is what tranquility feels like, tampering our sense of reason, not realizing how hauntingly painful and destructive are surroundings are.
Anxiety is this unexplainable dance, we pressure ourselves into remembering the next step instead of letting ourselves go, we’re so scared of how many mistakes we may make that we forget the way the rhythm translates into our body and takes us over, so instead of sitting back and thinking of the risks you are taking by putting yourself on a stage for everyone to see, take the risk and freestyle through life.

Sharlene

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